When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
