Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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