Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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