Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
