Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
