Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
