I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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