Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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