My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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