dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
