I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
