I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
