I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
