I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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