Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
