You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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