Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
