oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
