does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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