I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
