Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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