Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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