when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
