pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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