Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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