i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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