You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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