I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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