I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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