Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
