Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
NoShamevember. You game?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
