Soap is not a condiment
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
