dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
