just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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