btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
