i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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