I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
