I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
