Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
