i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
