k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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