He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Randomize
