i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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