I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
