why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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