I wish I could punch you in the face.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
