We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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