I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
