the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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