That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I just put wine in my tea
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
