I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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